alone.

sometimes, actually a lot this week, i've felt alone. not just the, ooh it's kinda nice having some "me time" but the ooh wow, i finally realize i have no friends here in utah alone feeling. i know i'm whining, but it's my blog so i don't care. and it's not completely true that it's only because i left the beautiful island of hawaii behind six months ago, (because i don't think i had a lot of true friends there either, mostly just ones who would hangout with me if they had nothing better to do..but don't get me wrong, i miss the handful of friends who were actually real, but yaa..) idk, i also know that i need to try harder to make new friends here in salt lake, but it's difficult because i haven't started going to my singles ward yet..and idk bout ya'll but making new people, who you definitely don't know is a tricky thing, because you don't wanna be too clingy or something, but you don't wanna be one of those people who just cruises with someone cuz you ain't got anything better to do. i just need to go to that singles ward at the slcc institute and put myself out there. introduce myself to people who i think i could wanna be friends with. ugh i keep saying the word "friend" and it's getting irrits, so i'm gonna say people instead(: so yup, that's my goal for the weekend, go to the slcc and meet new people! and speaking of changes that have to do with slcc...i am starting to apply there. i know i know, i never really thought i'd end up at just some community college in taylorsville, utah, but eh whatever. this week has kinda been a rough one, mostly because bf has been so busy and i haven't seen him since sunday...which totally blows. i know that i should just be happy we're finally in the same state, but sometimes it's difficult to try and spend quality time with him when i know he has so much to do and i start to feel guilty when him hanging out with me affects his work during the day in a bad way :( ...no gf should ever have to feel like that, but it is what it is right now i guess. i don't wanna force him into seeing me, cuz that's just awkward because we both know i'm the one who guilted him into the situation...we just need to sit down and decide what can be sacrificed and what can't. because i know without a doubt i will not sacrifice time with the man i love just so he can go play rugby every single damn* night. but on a happier note, it's not like we don't talk, we still call each other before he falls asleep and text randomly thru the day, but it's not the same as cuddling and talking about silly things together, or going on walks thru our neighborhoods. i've started to read the scriptures more often now tho...which is definitely good! i'm just struggling with my own personal life right now, trying to find balance between my; religion, family, my hunnnnybabes, me time, trying to find a job, and just plain old sleeping (which doesn't come too often for me being alone on so many occasions) see i have this problem with a wandering brain. i can have a perfect day and think nothing negative, but then all of a sudden, BAM! outta no where one spec of doubt creeps in, not so much with doubt about me and hunnybabes, but more me and the gospel. i haven't been the best member of the church over the past few years. i've made plenty of mistakes to make me think, "what the heckkkk was i even thinking?!" but idk everything is progression, each day i try harder than the day before to be someone my family and my savior would be proud of. my friend kristen once told me that "you need to lean on the lord amber. you choose your happiness. boys don't give you confidence. the only thing that is firm and solid in your life that will bless you with confidence and happiness is the gospel. you're not alone. just remember..that christ was the only one that was truly alone. he did that just to make us not feel alone." ooh how i miss my best friend. she has been there for me so much this summer. especially when i had to make the difficult decision to move to utah, or the return to hawaii. she has given me so much inspiration just cuz she's always there to text or call, no matter what. i'm so glad i got a girl like hart to have my back. i'm definitely going to try harder to make new people (people as in friends, not makin legit people lol) and i'll keep ya'll posted bout itttt. and i know without a doubt that my savior loves me. i mean how can he not, he's sent so many people into my life that have helped me get thru the darkest hours and days of my life. many ofas(:





*pardon my language, but it's frustrating.

GenCon

This was after my FIRST EVER General Conference! 

(inside the conference center...I've seen it on satellite, but never in person )

We were in the nose bleed section...

I had a neck ache.

I was starrrrrvinnnng.

My pen broke multiple times.

IT WAS AMAZING.

I was in the same room as the Prophet of the Lord!

I definitely know without a doubt this church is true.

I love my Heavenly Father.

I'm so grateful He gives so many amazing men & women who also happen to be church leaders

revelation about how they can better each and everyone of our lives every six months.

I'm going to legit fall asleep happy tonight.

:)

memories

so tonight i've been looking through old photos, because for some reason i'm in a nostalgic mood(: but anyways, i've been looking at heaps of way old school pictures and i really do miss those times...ooh and i'm really tired, so i'm too lazy to capitalize the letter "i" if you haven't already noticed...and wow. i just fell asleep a lil bit and looked at all of this typing and forgot what i was writing bout. but anyways, back to families, cuz i just read up above that's what i was writing about i guess...-__- so tired. okay, here is what i miss;

hangin' out with my him.

rest in love daddy

laying out at bikini beach..okay you can't see the beach

in this pic, but you know it's right behind me :]

PROM. gah, idk why i miss prom, but frick i do!

i think i just miss being able to blow money on a pretty dress,

get all fancy, dance til my feet hurt, have a ridiculous curfew

and yet still feel like that very night was the center of our universe.

i miss kristen keanuenueonalani kruger.

she was my lil hawaiian boo for the past two years.

(ps, it's amazing how two years can make you look older)

oh and i miss her saying, 

"aiiii aiii aiiii, aunnntehhh puuua!"

she was hella random, but eh still love the girl :)

family

I know I probably have one of the craziest, mixed up, awesome families around, but I really do LOVE them so much! I don't call enough, or write the ones on missions enough, but IDK I'm terrible at it..it's something I'm working on. Especially saying "I love you" when I hangup the phone...ugh, Drew catches me every time and I feel bad! I know I'm probably just wasting words about this, but I am going to try harder to keep in touch with them(:

clothes, clothes, and more clothes

Hmm..I really wish that I was loaded. Like rolling in the dough. Like drop a grand on a pair of shoes rich. But I'm not...so I guess I should start figuring out somethings in my life to make money && save money. Saving is my biggest problem :) I just loving having money. IDK why..I just like having that security to be able to get outta a jam real quick, or just when I get sick of eating Top Ramen and PB&J everyday, to walk to Smith's and buy some decent, delicious food(: I know, I know, I shouldn't be complaining because Ramen is legit one of my favorite things lol. Drew and I make saimini allll the time! BUT..I also like to eat fresh greens :) Sooo healthy I KNOW! But okay, back to my main idea. I think I'm going to start shopping more often at thrift stores! Not like the smelly, grandmotherly ones (I'm not thaaaat desperate YET)...but like D.I., Savers, Ross, cheaper stores ;) and I'm going to try to have a garage sale! Or at least sell some of my nicer stuff on like eBay, or something..IDK, you know when you just feel like you wear the same outfits allllll the time?! Well, I'm almost at my breaking point. I've had some of the same clothes since my sophomore year..OF HIGH SCHOOL! That's like what...five years ago?!?! Exactly. I need a fresh start. I've begun a new chapter in my life, so why shouldn't my clothes start a new one too :) 
So anyyyyways, back to my first thing I wanted to get done. Does anyone have any realllllly owesome blogs, or sites of recreating your clothes? Like DIY stuff? :) If ya'll could help me out it'd be MUCH appreciated <3 

xo.

ring finger..

Hmmm...so I feel like tons and tons and tons of my friends are getting married. Even the ones who've been dating the guy for like two months are gettin hitched. Why do you ask am I thinking bout this? Because bf and I know we wanna someday have our own lil ohana :). We just don't know for sure when...but hopefully he'll surprise me by the end of this year. I know, I know, I should just live in the moment and not worry bout lil things like an engagement ring, because I know someday I'll get one, but IDK still...what girl doesn't like a lil bling on her fingahhh?! :D Lol. Welp, I think I need to go to bed before I start looking up all this wedding stuff on Pinterest...which will be another post tomorrow (because I'm also obsessed with www.pinterest.com) goodnight lovelies :) I need some beauty sleep, because after today, I feel like I've been hanging out in a treehouse built up in some OOOOGLY TREE! <3

FOOD. continued...

There really is no reason why I adore this show.

It's just so intense.

Ted Allen's monotone voice just soothes me.

Every single time, without fail when they open the baskets...

I start getting really nervous & contemplating which chef will actually..

succeed.

I know. I'm silly. 

Watch it..just once.

YOU'LL BE HOOKED.